Confidence and self love lies beyond fear.
I live in the city of dreams and I love the potential that being in the entertainment industry has to touch lives across the planet. The opportunity is endless but it doesn’t come without a price. It’s demanding, stressful, and soul-crushing at times. Many people out here feel there are unsaid rules that you need to follow in order to make it but you can’t be afraid to push against the stigma, be yourself, and let your soul guide you no matter what. This is the only way that you will get the most out of this life or life will get the most out of you.
I know this is all temporary and that my life has a greater purpose than I give myself credit for. I’ve been learning how to let the unknown fuel me. So many of you reach out and ask me, “How do you love yourself?” “How do you have so much confidence?” Well, we compare ourselves to society’s standards and what its version of “perfect” is. We compare ourselves to famous models, actors, entrepreneurs, to the people our age living seemingly “perfect” lives and that’s where we go wrong. My view of beauty and success is what allows me to be confident.
I can stand in a room full of billionaires, actors, entrepreneurs, writers, influencers, musicians, and the people I admire and still love myself. Why? because while I can appreciate their career milestones it doesn’t diminish mine. Our milestones should really be everything we’ve gone through to be the people we are today. Beauty shouldn’t be viewed as skin deep. Beauty should be what our hearts are made up of. Beautiful are the people who dedicate their lives to help others and create positive change. Beauty is being genuine and being kind and seeing all as equal. Beauty is found in the soul. Many times people will lack that inner beauty because they are leaning on monetary success to define their status and worth in life. Society is to blame but we don’t have to conform to those ideals.
Who decided success was how much money we have? Or what cars we drive? Or how famous we are?
Change your mindset and in turn your confidence and self love will change. I know that whatever you believe in, afterlife or darkness, the one thing we can agree on is that this is all temporary. We don’t get to take our “things” with us when it’s lights out and we’re old and wrinkly at some point. So who decided the temporary was so important?
Confidence and self love lies beyond fear. The fear that you’re not and will never be good enough. The fear that you’re not good looking enough or “successful” enough. The fear that you have less worth than your counterparts. Maybe you’re being put down by others around you and if you are or don’t feel equal, just remember the actions of others are a reflection of themselves, not you.
In middle school, I was made fun of for not being allowed to shave my legs and people called me a hairy beast until I cried to my mom to let me have my first razor. I also found myself eating in the bathroom stalls alone more often than I should’ve. I even told the popular kid I had a crush on him and he nicknamed me horse face and ignored me. In high school, I was made fun of for having braces until I was 16. The list goes on but looking back, it was not worth it to let that affect me. We have ONE life. This life is way too precious to let someone make you feel worthless. This is where I challenge you to do what I do when I am feeling worthless, ugly, and at the end of myself (yes I absolutely feel these emotions).
Look into the mirror right now. Take it all in. Your beauty. Your flaws. Now your story. Your struggles. Everything that makes you, you. Look at your heart and recognize the kind of person you are and tell yourself “I am special and I am enough.” Believe it, because that person you see, that person is beautiful and loved and important. That person can change the world.
If you need something more concrete, here is a list of things that I do to help me feel better about myself when I’m down.
- Stay off social media! You’ll naturally compare your life without trying. Delete the apps for a few days and take some time for you. When you do get on, time yourself, 30 mins a day, and then off. Or whatever you think it needs to be.
- Talk to God and surf the bible app. So many people in the bible have already felt the way we have. It helps guide me when I feel like no one understands because God always does.
- Spend more time outside! Hikes, walks, parks, sunset watching, swimming. Vitamin D my friends.
- Write a list of your goals
- Write a list of everything good that has happened for you
- Write a list of things you are currently grateful for
- Drink tea
- Do yoga and meditate
- Listen to upbeat music
- Eat healthier. Look up recipes if you need to make it less boring and eat brighter colored foods. Eating an acai bowl, or a fruit bowl with lots of colors helps brighten my mood. Donuts and ice cream are satisfying in the moment but regretful right after.
- WORKOUT: I know this is hard because you want to lay in bed, you had a long day- whatever the excuse. So put on your cutest workout clothes or treat yourself to a new outfit and get to the gym. If you don’t have a membership or money look for a free week at yoga studios, gyms, check Groupon or take a class (boxing, pole dancing etc). There are also at home workouts on the Nike app that require no equipment. There are so many forms of exercise today that you’re bound to find your thing. It releases endorphins, you’ll start to love your body more and feel great and in turn, it will show! This is one of the most important steps to self love. Simply taking better care of yourself.
- Write in your journal or read a good book.
- Do something you love
- Dedicate some time to helping others. Volunteer with the American Cancer Society, or a favorite charity of yours and get involved.
Baby steps. I hope this entry helps you on your way to loving yourself and being confident. You deserve it.